Less Joy in Mudville

Remember "Casey at the bat"? The final stanza:

" Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville -- mighty Casey has struck out."

Well, I didn't get the library job I interviewed for or the secretary job I was offered pending a five day posting for internal candidates. A good internal candidate turned up, bringing me another come-from-ahead loss.

And the library job? Well, I think I'm Too Introverted to be a Librarian. This may be a fatal flaw in these days of diminished government funding. For $17.00 an hour one is expected to be an expert in child literacy and a go-getter at building community alliances. Except for large libraries like Ridgedale, Brookdale, Southdale, and Minneapolis Central, I believe the days of the reference librarian are over.

As I used to joke with my friend Laura long ago, it's time for life plan Z'', or Z double prime -- there have been many " life plans" along the way.

AMAZING KIDS

I was devastated the day the secretarial job fell through. I got through the day by promising myself I could hide under the covers when I got home. Jarrett was home when I got home, and he gave me a hug and asked me if I wanted to talk. Yes, the Man of Few Grunts himself. What a peach. This is his way when I am sad. I feel very supported. He doesn't say much, but I can feel how tuned in to me he is. He gives me some extra hugs, volunteers more help around the house, fetches me something to drink, and listens when I want to talk.

When Evan came home I was hiding under the covers, but I'd promised Jarrett I'd take him to buy a new video game he had on reserve, so once again parenthood pulled me out of self-centered self-pity and into the mobile world. Obligations give life structure -- something absolutely critical for a person who battles depression. Thank god for kids, cats, and work.

Evan gave me a hug too, and asked if I wanted to talk. What fine sensitive guys. Once male pattern baldness sets in, they'll be perfect Sensitive New Age Males. Evan also did something he's very good at, although it's hard to explain. I guess you could say he took over the physical and emotional management of the evening, smoothing out any conflicts, making sure things went smoothly and we all stayed on an even keel, pitching in even more than usual with chores.

Furthermore, he does it so subtly. There's no heroics of "Look, now I'm doing dishes because you are incapacitated with sadness, ain't I great." He just quietly steps in and covers things, not in a perfectionist way. He does "just enough," and that's a compliment, not a put-down. He doesn't grandstand it, and neither does Jarrett. I guess you could say Evan takes on a wider and more subtle role, some elements of which you might not notice if you weren't paying attention. In particular, the way he takes on what I can only call the "emotional management" of the household that impresses me.

I've seen Mom do this many times, and most of the moms I know (or women in any relationship), but I think it's outstanding that teenage young men have chosen to learn how to do it, each in their own way and to their own ability, and know when it's needed. I don't like to lean on them, but we all have days when we need support, and boy, do I appreciate it.

P.S. The subsequent days have been much better and my mood is much improved.

Good-bye to Marius

Marius left this Tuesday, June 26, to return to Germany. Very sad. I didn't say half the things I wanted to say because it always seemed to soon to be giving any kind of closing remarks, and then at the airport it was clear that both of us needed to keep it light if we were going to get through it. I'm just glad it doesn't have to be good-bye forever, and that we have e-mail and Flickr and cheap long distance. Our "generation" of host parents has it good.

Sock Watch Retrospective

Marius found out I was keeping a sock watch and was rather indignant. "I don't care" that socks don't match. Tried to explain that I don't care either, just find it completely charming.

At the Ultimate (Frisbee) game and banquet, I saw a veritable plethora of unmatched socks. Stripes with polka dots was my favorite -- I think it was blue stripes and the other foot had red dots. Or were they butterflies?

At any rate, apparently this is either 1) COMPLETELY acceptable 2) ordinary, as in, why would anyone bother to match socks? there's so much more to life, or 3) kinda cool.

I'm awed. I did have some spectacularly bright and fuzzy aqua-lime-yellow socks, very caterpillar-esque, when I was in 9th grade, but since then I've pretty much been a sock conformist.

It's been weeks since I posted, and sock variety has ebbed and flowed in that time. Most memorable pairing was one black and one orange. I was also impressed with a pairing of one tan ankle-high sock with a brown pattern and a crew-length blue stripe. It was a quiet mismatch, and I almost overlooked the genius of this sock watch trifecta: different length socks, different color socks, and different pattern socks.

Only a week until the day which shall not be named. Only seven short days left for sock watch. Just one example of how dull life will be without Marius.

Feel the pain of Jarrett and Evan. I will try not to, but no doubt will look to them to make my life interesting again. And they've had a whole year off, able to fly under the Mom radar. Now I will be Paying Attention, looking for interaction. For a whole year they've been able to get by with a lot more grunts and silence, because I've had such a good conversational partner. Now comes the Mom pester again. "How was your day? Did anything interesting happen? Did anything funny happen? How's (litany of friends whose names I know)? What's s/he been up to lately?"

Oh, they haven't missed that one damn bit!


P. S. I couldn't help myself. How many times do you get a chance to use the phrase "veritable plethora." Never mind that it's not good ritin'.

More running around

We are still racing around like mad fools all the time. I hardly remember myself from one week to the next what is keeping us whirling around! This past weekend went like this:

Saturday:

Evan had to be at Minnehaha Academy at 7:45 to take the SAT college entrance test. Came back from that and drove to Maplewood, to get a tree at a bargain price from a non-profit group, but it didn't work out.

Then drove Marius down south to the same area of town I'd been to with Evan, to be at someone's house at 10:00 to do chores to raise money for their trip to Boston with the church youth group.

While I was gone, Jarrett got himself up and dressed to his job, working from 10-5 Saturday at Party City.

I went home and seemingly a few minutes later (I got lost reading) Evan called to be picked up, and we picked up Marius too. Jarrett got home under his own steam. Evan's girlfriend Mikaela came over in the late afternoon.

What on earth did we do that night? I don't even remember! I think just watched TV at home.

Sunday:

A phone call to come in to work woke Jarrett up at 10:00. *Amazingly*, he woke right up and tottered out the door! I think he likes working, likes his job, likes the people, and likes the manager. *Yes!!* He does stocking, blowing up balloons, and cash register; "everyone does everything."

Marius, Evan, and I dropped him off at Dennis's on our way to church. He keeps his uniforms at Dennis's house since it is closer to the store (at the Quarry.)

We had to leave church early because Marius and the other YFU kids were going to a Twin's game, and Evan had to be at work at Orchestra Hall.

IMAGINE THAT, BOTH OF MY BOYS AT WORK! Somehow, I never anticipated that.

I took myself out for a pre-mother's day visit to the arboretum. There is a three-mile trail that winds around, and I walked that through blooming magnolia trees, flowering crabs, and lilacs, as well as woods and prairies, and little gardens of azaleas, bushes, etc. Up near the main building they have tons of tulips, hyacinths, and hosta. I've always driven around, stopped and parked at various spots, got back in and drove, but walking is MUCH better. What was I thinking? The walking path goes through wooded areas the road doesn't. I spent a lot of time in the woodland garden, enjoying hepatica, trillium, bluebells, wild phlox, marsh marigolds -- tons o' stuff. Took a lot of what will be probably the same bad pictures I take at the arboretum every time. I'd love to have a camera that could do closeups and macro photos. Someday.

Came back home , picked up Evan from work; and was deep into post-game traffic and one-way snarls around the Metrodome when Marius called to say he'd gotten a ride home from someone else (grr) then we all did homework and housework and watched TV.

On Monday I had a follow-up mammogram. Didn't sleep too well on Sunday night. After a mammo and then an ultrasound that seemed to take FOREVER, I was pronounced healthy, the lump non-malignant. Weak at the knees with relief. On Monday night Marius and I went to rent his prom tux.

Tuesday, Evan had a concert with the jazz band, and Jarrett had school and work.

On Wednesday, we went to see Spider Man 3, except for Evan, who had tons of homework. I did dishes, laundry, and housecleaning when I got home (second wind) and couldn't slow down. Another night of only a few hours of sleep.

Thursday night I went to pick Marius has a game (he is on the Ultimate Frisbee team) and was wrestling with hot slow bogged-down traffic and almost to the park where they play, when he called me to tell me he was at home, that he didn't go to the game. Ahem! With my "detour," it took me an hour to get home. Had trouble sleeping last night, too. A rash of insomnia lately, for various reasons.

Tonight is Friday. Evan and Jarrett go to Dennis's house, and then on Saturday, it's more chores fundraising for Marius and Evan, work for Jarrett, and then Prom for both Evan and Marius. Sunday we'll go to church and so far, that's all that's planned for that day!

I am actually going to go out with two very fun women from work tonight, to shop and have a drink before Evan's concert. Marius was amazed and pleased for me – I don't think I've had an independent social event in the whole time he's been here. (I have usually brought him along to things if at all possible, but this is definitely Girls Night Out.)

Next week will be quiet with Jarrett and Evan gone but I still pick up Marius after his sports practice every night. The SPPS headquarters building is about the same latitude as Powderhorn Park, near South High, so I go across town and read for a bit until he's done. Otherwise, it takes him an hour and a half and $2.00 to get home. And with the price of a tux, prom tickets, and dinner, he needs those $2.00! (Just as an aside: prom tickets are $45.00 each, not per couple. His tuxedo was $170. Dinner, who knows. The tux was a little extra because in our ignorance we waited too long and the less expensive tuxes were gone, and we also had to pay a late fee. But: Going to prom in America? Priceless.)

It's only going to be like this for another year, and I'm sure I'll miss it when it's way too quiet. Then I'll have a chance to try online dating.

Best wishes for a wonderful Mother's Day. God knows we've earned it. J

Running Around

Some future day I will wonder where all the time went. On Thursday it went for haircuts: Marius, Jarrett and I all went to Nicole's and got cleaned up. Got back from there about 10:30.

On Saturday Marius did chores all day (washing windows for Boston trip money) with Mikaela and Evan. I cleaned up and did a bunch of paperwork. Also driving around; went to fetch Mikaela for the chores, went to both libraries.

A sign of spring: first dalliance at Linder's, the little mini-greenhouse that springs up in the St. Anthony shopping center parking lot. A library, a greenhouse, and a DQ (first cone of spring, chocolate soft-serve, $1.49 for a small I would have called a medium.) Glory, glory, glory.

I got two plants. All plant sales at this point are unauthorized, off budget, because there isn't enough budget for them. Nevertheless I've been wanting poppies, pink poppies, for many years, and there one was before me, and one that promised a mixture of pink, orange-pink, and white poppies (changing over time? on one plant). I still would not have gotten them if I had checked closely. I thought they were $9.99, but they were $12.99, closer to $30 than $20 once you add in tax. Ouch.

The kids finished chores about 7:30. I drove Mikaela home, and Evan stayed down there. Marius and I stopped at Turtle Bread for chocolate bread buns and a baguette for tomorrow, then Lake Calhoun for a walk, and then to Burger King for supper for him. I had popcorn.

Some desperate reading of a good library book that's due (Sherman Alexie, Reservation Blues), then Saturday night live, and at 11:30 went to get Evan and bring him to dad's. Dennis was at a funeral: Neil Lincoln, from ETA days. Then stayed up until 2:00 a.m. reading the e-Artella I received last fall and never have had computer access plus leisure time to read (three computer fiends in the house.)

Sunday: morning came too early. I walked around Lake Calhoun while Marius was in Sunday School. The chores we were supposed to do (Boston fund-raising) fell through, to everyone's delight. I talked to the Alberti's and to Eric L about how interested they are in more chores. "Sorta" was the general response. The kids worked all last Saturday and all this Saturday, and worked hard.

Marius and I ate at Jimmy John's (BLT's, and I love their signs as much as their sandwiches) in Calhoun Square, then went to Target for soccer duds and swim trunks, and Play It Again Sports for shoes with cleats. Which turned out to be soccer shoes, making Marius laugh. Everyone in Germany plays soccer, everyone but Marius and Adrian, who hate soccer. So he comes to America, and what does he get? Soccer shoes!

Marius made supper, God bless him, with what we had on hand: potatoes, peas, and onion soup. Not a bad meal for a pantry-scraper. Gotta shop for groceries. Hate it. In fact fell into a short depression on reviewing the grocery ads on Sunday morning. Too much to do in life, I don't want to spend my time at the grocery store.

I was wiped out from my fast trek around Lake Calhoun (teeming humanity! one-sided sunburn -- the lake side. Fun, fun, fun!) and all our shopping and talking so I read for a bit, then got up and did the dishes, which for kids means dishes, but for an adult means dishes, wipe the counters, put away little fiddly bits of stuff on counters, fold a load of clothes, sweep the floor, empty the trash, clean the microwave) and then went out to garden, to plant the poppies. (cue Wicked Witch of the West, "Poppies! Poppies!)

Got sidetracked into finally transplanting my poor African violets which have languished pot-bound about 18 months past their recommended re-pot date, and the Christmas cacti, which were also pot-bound, and in not very good soil. Unfortunately I had purchased the cheapest potting soil, which was mostly dirt with a few tablespoons of vermiculite. I mixed in the African violet potting mixture and voila! usable stuff.

Then our neighbor called me over to talk about her dog (barks a frenzy whenever one of us is near.) Planting of course means trying to unearth some compost, but I did get the things in the ground. It is so much more pleasant to plant newly-purchased plants than the sickly neglected things I often deal with due to procrastination and business.

Dragged up the hose from the basement, climbed up the step stool to turn on the outdoor water. Pulled all the dead geraniums from their pots and tossed them. I've been keeping them for years but this year they were in Marius's room and they got dried out. (Out of sight, out of mind.) (Usually that room contains the TV so I see them all the time. Sigh.) I'd kept them for a number of years, but what the hell. All the amaryllis I've been keeping going rotted in the ground last summer or in pots this winter. All I have left is a bunch of baby ones too small to bloom. Daily debate over whether it is worth it to keep them.

So watered the poppies and tiny amaryllis, raced upstairs and took a shower. Quelle signs of spring! First trip to greenhouse! First unauthorized purchase of plants! First DQ cone! First workout with nail brush to remove dirt from under nails! First aching legs from gardening! Outdoor water turned on! Hose out! Oh, and we ate out on the back deck for the first time. Spring, glorious spring.

So came in at about 8:30? 9:00. Had to do a load of wash, no underwear of any sort. Started Lamb, by Christopher Moore, also due soon. Hilarious! I'm going to have to just pay the fines on this one. The untold story of the first 30 years of Jesus' life, as told by his best friend, Bif. Laundry, cleanup, late to bed because of Lamb.

So that's where the time goes.

Got up this morning not at all organized for the day; didn't leave until 7:55 for my 8:00 job, what with gathering lib books, packing lunch, gathering paperwork to try to do during the day.

INCREDIBLY GORGEOUS SPRING DAY> AIR SO SWEET AND SOFT> TEMPERATURE PERFECT> SUNSHINE AND BLUE SKY> SWEET SCENTS. HOSANNA! ALLELULIA!